Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
