She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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