I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
