I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
