I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
