Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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