Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i've created a new STD.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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