I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
