im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
