Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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