Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
