Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
