It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize