areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
