After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
