is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
