he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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