she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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