I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
