I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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