Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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