Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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