This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
