At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
