oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
