Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
