Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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