I molested 6 butterflies tonight
kristin has been a bad kristin
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm too high and old for this...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
