I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
