you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
