Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
