I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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