the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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