I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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