Your dad touched me again.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
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he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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