wakey wakey hands off snakey
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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