If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
