No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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