The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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