u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
