I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
