Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have peed in a lot of sinks
try to milk me bitch
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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