great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm having to shit out rocks
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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