I'm going to jail i love you
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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