the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Panties = found
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