i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
