The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
