He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drunk is not a location!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize