there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
