did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
