so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
