Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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