I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
