I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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