Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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