SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
