i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sober January is a disaster.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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