the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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